Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
