that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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