i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
