We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
