I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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