he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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