There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
