My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
