apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
