NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
