i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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