I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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