He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
