After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fuck appropriateness.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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