he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
