"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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