i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize