Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
