Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
