You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
