how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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