I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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