we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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