u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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