She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your penis caused this!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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