Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
