I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
