I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
