The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
