Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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