Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize