My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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