i need an iv and a liver transplant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
