i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize