Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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