Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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