you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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