Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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