i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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