Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
