I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
