I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
