My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize