I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
