Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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