She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
