Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
