My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
