I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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