We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
