Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
