Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
