hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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