he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
