Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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