is your mom at the bar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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