seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
