so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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