when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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