I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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