ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
