Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize