i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
