Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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