I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
be right there i have to get my cape
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
