I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
