omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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