I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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