i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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