You're my little dorito
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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